Get Out and Blog About--About What?!

The Sahara Desert stands between my last blog entry and this one (if I ever publish it—that is). The last blog entry is the poor slob schlepping across scorching sand and dodging very thirsty creatures. This blog entry that I am currently writing is that mirage on the horizon that looks like a big pool of water but could end up being nothing more than the heat and some earthly oils playing tricks. One big disappointment.This blog posting was supposed to happen every two weeks. I even claimed it happened naturally a couple blog entries back, and if I could only get back on a schedule then—ZAMMO—my writing would fall in line and behave itself. So, why do I look at this text on this page and worry that as I get closer it will disappear, only to become the sand I fear it to be instead of the water I wish would materialize.

Well, a blog is happening this time. I am posting this no matter what. Since when did I become so finicky? First, I wrote a blog entry about how we are all so much better off with some space and some time. I thought I would be so clever and tell the reader that, alas, I do not mean outer space or time travel—but just plain old, Jane old, clock-ticking time and elbow-flailing space. I even went into way too much detail about how much I loved the movie The Explorers secretly hoping a reader would look it up and fall in love with that movie and, shortly after seeing it, seek out a ride on a tilt-a-whirl and laugh and laugh and laugh. But no—I decided the whole thing was “too preachy.” Crumple. Toss.

Next, I found myself in the pew of a church at a funeral mass for a neighbor I knew, but perhaps not as well as I should have allowed myself to. Despite my somewhat distant relationship—I cried quite wholeheartedly during the eulogy. There! I had my next blog entry. I would write about one of my favorite genres: The Eulogy. I wanted to talk about how it is amazing how some well-written words can make you miss a person you were only superficially familiar with and wish you had gotten to know them better. But, I decided that was “too much of a bummer.” Crumple. Toss.Most recently, I stopped to think about writing and soaked into the feeling of comfort and promise that a blank page gives a gal like me. I love words. I love writing. I wanted to just gush about what it feels like to look at a blank page. It doesn’t get better than a blank page. It’s clean. It’s crisp. It’s all of those cliché descriptive words that seem to all start with the letter “c.” I thought to myself, “Well, there’s no better way to fill a blank page than talking about the beauty of a blank page.” That doesn’t make me lame, does it? Well, I don’t care. Then, before I could get ahold of a blank page, I gave into the lazy lounge lizard call of the television and that comfy chair and realized I was “too tired.” Crumple—O.k. I didn’t do any writing and I am not at a desk writing things down and tossing them in a trash can, but I wanted you to picture that and so I wrote it. Toss.

Anyway, September has been carrying on at a blurry pace. What’s that saying: I can’t see the forest for the trees. And that’s a shame because this is a beautiful time for trees in New England. I finally stepped off the beach, but now I am on a train that is going way too fast. My flip-flops are gone. They didn’t stand a chance. I think they got sucked under the train while I was waiting for it to arrive and standing too close to that yellow line. My sunglasses are scratched and I can’t find them anyway. There’s another pair, sure, but they look too much like my mom’s glasses and so I only wear them when I have to. In the past month I have been to three wakes and three funerals for five different people. That’s too many. Flip flops seem so far away now. I could barely see out of my eyes at one point last week because I was so tired. I couldn’t see out my eyes, people!

Perhaps October will slow down a little. If you don’t hear from me in two weeks peak your head in and make sure I didn’t fall asleep on the train. I’d hate to miss my stop.

Hot dog! I just wrote a blog.